Thursday, January 27, 2011

Of Self-Injury

God, I want to cut so damn bad.
I need to feel the blade slice my skin.
I want...
I need to see the blood flowing down my calves.
I've already carved the word "Fat" into my left calf.
I haven't cut since the 15th.
12 fucking days...

I wonder if God has forsaken me.
I find that I have to keep believing in Him.
Even if He has given up on me,
I have to hold on to something.

I wouldn't blame Him if He had deserted me.
I would have given up on me long ago.
However, I cannot let myself believe He's left me.
His love is eternal. This I must believe.
This has always been my sanctuary.

I am no enchantress.
Do not listen to me.
Listen through me.
No black clouds-just desert storms.

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