Of Words

Words can break someone into a million pieces...
But they can also put them back together.
I hope you use yours for good.
Because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid
Are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

What you say might be too much for people.
Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter
And you'll walk away embarrassed,
Wincing as you play it all back in your head.
But I think the words you'll stop yourself from saying
Are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

So say it to them.
Or say it to yourself in the mirror.
Say it in a letter you'll never send.
Or in a book millions might read someday.
I think you deserve to look back on your life
Without a chorus of voices saying
"I could've, but it's too late now.."

There is a time for silence.
There is a time for waiting your turn.
But if you know how you feel
And you so clearly know what you need to say
You'll know it.
I don't think you should wait.
I think you should speak now.
--Taylor Swift

As I read this on the inside cover of Taylor's Speak Now album, a chord struck
And resounded.
Words can cut like a knife.
Burn like a brand.
Sting like a thousand needles.

They are like fire
Ice.
Mixing and blending together in beautiful destruction
Mystical chaos.

I have said and done many things I shouldn't have.
Things I regret.
But, I cannot take them back.
I can however, learn from them.
And I have.

Never again will I think
"What if they think I'm stupid?"
If they do, then I can't change that.

I told Jonathen how I felt.
It didn't work out romantically
But, we are still friends, and that is what matters.

The voice in my head that screams at me
That lectures me every waking moment I even entertain the thought of eating
She is as quick to scold as she is to soothe.
She reminds me every day I am not good enough.
Not beautiful enough.
Not thin enough.

I have been letting her down so much this past week
And I am not weighing in unless I earn it.
The unknown is my incentive.
The unknown will push me farther.
The unknown will destroy me.
Unless I conquer it and let light cast away the shadows.

The voice in my head that accompanies the first is almost as bad.
Telling me that if I can't be strong enough to resist the food
Then I should at least be strong enough to purge it all.

A vicious team, a murderous duo
They regulate my existence.
They determine my worth.
They are my best friends.
They understand me.

Their names?

Ana and Mia.