Like I said this morning, my plan for today was 0 cals. I managed it, and then when I got back to my grandmother's after work, I weighed in. 86.6lbs. I gained .2lbs. What the fuck? Hopefully it goes back down. If it doesn't, I don't know what I'll do.
I left work today at 14:30 and tomorrow I work from 07:00 to 15:30. And, tomorrow Jonathen and I are going to come back to my grandmother's house and watch a few films that he's determined I cannot live without seeing. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. For starters, I'm scared that if we did end up in a relationship, he wouldn't stay because I want to stay a virgin until I'm married. He's already admitted he's not one, and it doesn't really bother me, but I don't want to be compared to some of the other women he's been with. It makes me nervous and even more self-conscious.
I'm also scared that once he realises how extreme my methods of weight loss and self-harm are, he'll not be able to deal with it and he'll leave. I've not been with someone in so long, and I'm not sure how this all works anymore.
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