Is it possible to never move on or recover from something? I still think of him, still miss him, still love him. Every time someone says the name "Alan", it kills me. I can't say it out loud, can't stand to hear it. Thinking about him still brings me to tears. He's been gone for a year and five months. He doesn't think of me, doesn't want anything to do with me. He hates me. Sometimes I wonder if he ever really loved me. I have to believe that he did, or that he at least thought he did, otherwise I don't think I could handle this at all. It's hard enough to handle as is.
I always told myself I wouldn't be one of those girls who got all upset over a guy. But love changes you. I let my walls down. I let him in. I trusted him. That was my mistake. It's one I'll never make again. I'll never let someone have that power, that control over me. Never.
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