I'm talking to Samantha amd she just asked for my help. My advice. I don't know what to do. I don't know why she would ask for my help. I'm too weak to help anyone. I never thought that I would sink this low. My friend has been to this place...the place of unstable mind. I feel so relieved when I cut, as if all my problems are dripping away. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I'm not happy, haven't been for years, and no one even notices. In a way, that makes me feel proud, because all my years of theatre class have paid off, but it's also upsetting. I'm not after attention. I prefer to remain in the shadows, cloaked by the darkness.
My family has no clue that I'm doing this to myself. I hope they never find out. I know this is the worst thing I can do, but it's the only thing that makes me feel better. I'm not the same girl they once knew. I wear this mask to hide. They don't know how much pain I'm in, or where my mind is now. Even if I told them, they would think it was just another one of my "moods".
Only a few people have seen through the mask. Erin, Alan, Jonathen. Samantha has seen some of the truth, but no one has ever completely broken the walls and torn the mask away entirely. As much as I loved Alan, I still didn't let him in fully. Will I ever trust anyone enough to leave the mask and walls behind?
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