30th August, 2011.
A year and twenty-one days since the storm. Not a storm of nature, but one much more dangerous. Though I'm not sure how, I survived. Now, not only am I alive, but I am also living again.
You'll never read this. You won't even see it. Never know it was written. In some ways, I am thankful. In others, a part of me wishes you would. Just so you would know.
09th January, 2010.
My world crashed and burned. You walked away from me when I needed you most. You left me to die, not caring that I probably would. It seems I was stronger than I realised
.
I still thought of you. Still loved you. I still wanted to feel your arms around me. To hear you say you loved me. I still needed you. I don't need you, and I don't even want you anymore. A part of me will always love you, but never again will I let it haunt me.
11th, December, 2010.
I was going to try again with someone new. Someone that was a great friend, and that truly cared about me. His parents, however, had other plans, and my own fell through. My hope was destroyed again.
I should have known better than to let myself hope that he would make your memory disappear. I still compared him to you, and while he was an improvement, there were still things about you that I missed. I still dreamt of you, still woke shaking in the night, missing you.
23rd, July, 2011.
It lasted two weeks. Exactly two weeks. He reminded me of you, in some ways, but in others, he was much worse. It was more than I could handle, so I ended it. We still talk, we're somewhat friends, and I don't regret my decision for a moment.
I never meant to hurt him, and seeing that brought back all the pain of what we had been through. All the pain I had caused you and maybe still do. I felt terrible for hurting him, but I had decided to follow my heart and do what was best for myself.
06th August, 2011.
I decided to give it another try. With someone else this time. He is sweet, supportive, and caring. He doesn't say much, and in that way, he''s like you were in the beginning. I hope that, like you, he'll open up to me more with time.
Things are moving slower than they used to, but I think this is what I need. Someone that understands and is willing to be with me in spite of everything. I need someone that will love me, just as I am. Someone that isn't afraid to stand up to me and tell me when I'm wrong, but that will support me when I'm right.
30th August, 2011.
A year and 21 days, and I'm still sober. I don't crave your touch, your lips, your voice like I used to. I'm no longer addicted to you. I know now that I can live without you.
While I'm battling other addictions, the one that I thought would haunt me forever is now gone. I will never be rid of the scars you left, but I am free. For the first time, I can stand on my own and not waver. Never again will I see you. Never again will I miss you. Never again will I kiss you. Never again will I want to. Never again will I love you. Never again.
A year and twenty-one days since the storm. Not a storm of nature, but one much more dangerous. Though I'm not sure how, I survived. Now, not only am I alive, but I am also living again.
You'll never read this. You won't even see it. Never know it was written. In some ways, I am thankful. In others, a part of me wishes you would. Just so you would know.
09th January, 2010.
My world crashed and burned. You walked away from me when I needed you most. You left me to die, not caring that I probably would. It seems I was stronger than I realised
.
I still thought of you. Still loved you. I still wanted to feel your arms around me. To hear you say you loved me. I still needed you. I don't need you, and I don't even want you anymore. A part of me will always love you, but never again will I let it haunt me.
11th, December, 2010.
I was going to try again with someone new. Someone that was a great friend, and that truly cared about me. His parents, however, had other plans, and my own fell through. My hope was destroyed again.
I should have known better than to let myself hope that he would make your memory disappear. I still compared him to you, and while he was an improvement, there were still things about you that I missed. I still dreamt of you, still woke shaking in the night, missing you.
23rd, July, 2011.
It lasted two weeks. Exactly two weeks. He reminded me of you, in some ways, but in others, he was much worse. It was more than I could handle, so I ended it. We still talk, we're somewhat friends, and I don't regret my decision for a moment.
I never meant to hurt him, and seeing that brought back all the pain of what we had been through. All the pain I had caused you and maybe still do. I felt terrible for hurting him, but I had decided to follow my heart and do what was best for myself.
06th August, 2011.
I decided to give it another try. With someone else this time. He is sweet, supportive, and caring. He doesn't say much, and in that way, he''s like you were in the beginning. I hope that, like you, he'll open up to me more with time.
Things are moving slower than they used to, but I think this is what I need. Someone that understands and is willing to be with me in spite of everything. I need someone that will love me, just as I am. Someone that isn't afraid to stand up to me and tell me when I'm wrong, but that will support me when I'm right.
30th August, 2011.
A year and 21 days, and I'm still sober. I don't crave your touch, your lips, your voice like I used to. I'm no longer addicted to you. I know now that I can live without you.
While I'm battling other addictions, the one that I thought would haunt me forever is now gone. I will never be rid of the scars you left, but I am free. For the first time, I can stand on my own and not waver. Never again will I see you. Never again will I miss you. Never again will I kiss you. Never again will I want to. Never again will I love you. Never again.
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