Of Light and Darkness

I can honestly say for the first time in years.....I am happy. Has this cured me of everything? Of my anorexia? My cutting? No. But maybe it's a step in the right direction....God, I hope so. I've been in therapy for a month, and I bought a punching bag to possibly help eliminate the cutting. Jace has been wonderful through everything. I can honestly say that I can see myself marrying him. It's taken me awhile, but I've finally left Alan behind. I've fallen in love with Jace, and I love him more than I thought I could ever love anyone again. He has changed me for the better.

Peacefully Yours,
Snow White Queen

In the darkness, I am always at home. In a place where the lonely ones roam, I am alive in the world of light and darkness.

Adele, Anorexia, and Bulimia

Adele Laurie Blue Adkins (Adele) is one of my biggest inspirations. Right up there with Amy Lee, Bette Midler, Joan Jett, and Scarlett Pomers. Why? Because she, like the rest of these women, is a very talented vocalist. More than that, though, she is a bit on the heavier side, which singles her out among the others. She is not ashamed of her appareance (nor should she be) and she is happy with herself.

Now, my parents know everything, I've been diagnosed as having anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa on occasion, and I'm currently toying with the idea of recovery. I would love to be more like these women, but especially Adele. She is comfortable with herself and doesn't give a damn what people think. Is she happy every second of every day? No. No one is, and she is no exception. I'm currently writing a memoir of my struggle with the diseases, and I'll post an early draft as soon as I feel it is ready to be seen.

An update

So.....after sending the message to my Dad on Facebook Tuesday night about my ED and self-injury, I had a long and awkward talk with a doctor. He prescribed me antidepressants and referred me to a counselor. Fun times. Well, at least now they know, so I don't feel like I have to keep everything a secret anymore. I know I'll still hide things, but now I won't feel as compelled as I used to. Such a weight seems to have been lifted.

Confessions

I just wrote a letter to my Dad and sent it in a message on Facebook. In it, I explain all my ED and cutting issues. I'm so scared that he's going to look at me differently, be angry and hate me. I guess I'll know the outcome tomorrow.......So. Fucking. SCARED!!!

Bette Midler's 66th Birthday and other things

Well, yesterday was Bette Midler's birthday, and the sign of my ultimate failure. My goal was to lose 20lbs by December 1st..............I can't even fucking manage to do that. I'm so pathetic. I'm weak. Nothing.

The water is wide

The water is wide. I cannot get over, and neither have I wings to fly...

I loathe all I've become...

Does anybody?

Does anybody even notice? Does anybody even care?